Paul (Movie)

Seth Rogan as Paul.

Look at cast, it's not for kids.

Put brain on vibrate.

So I'm a little rusty when it comes to reviewing movies. Haven't done it since I was maybe 19 or 20. Let's see how it goes. I used to talk about cinematography like I knew shit about it, which I didn't and still don't. So yea, I won't be going there. You're welcome.

Seth Rogan as Paul.

I'm a big fan of Seth's work. Not because he's an amazing actor, I won't even pretend I know what the difference between a competent actor and an academy award winning actor is aside from the little golden statute. I am either convinced you are the person you are trying to play or I'm not. I like Seth because he's good at what he's trying to do. And what's that you ask, oh faithful reader? It's making people laugh. The guy is hella funny and in Paul he's still funny so we can rule out the fact that he looks funny. Bottomline: dude got a way with the HA-HAs y0. While Paul, the actual character, is pretty much just Seth Rogan from another planet, they do some clever shit with his dialogue. There's one scene where Paul SPOILER ALERT UNTIL END OF PARAGRAPH tells Simon Pegg and Nick Frost about the first time he saw a human being. He says something like, "Man you guys freaked me out, those tiny, tiny heads on those enormous bodies." Come on, who doesn't like irony?

I also love the implication that Paul was responsible for many of the advancements in technology that are available today, and also was an acting consultant for a specific all-time-high-grossing film from the 80s. I especially love the scene where Paul is on the phone with said director and the punchline for that scene is, "Less is more." All these little bits of information give the movie the feeling that this shit wasn't just churned out, that there was actually some thought put into it. I appreciate that. They don't let you sit there too long pondering these wonderous ideas though; the next second some is peeing their pants, commenting on how three tits are awesome, or Paul is baring his little green ass.

The plot is nothing new, there are a few twists in it, but they aren't like OMG SHYAMALAN. They're serviceable twists. I liked this movie because it was light fare, I wasn't worried about the characters dying and being a downer, and it made me laugh. You bet your big fat cock I laughed. You'll get that if you ever see the movie.

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg are also funny as geeky British 30+ nerds who've come to San Diego for Comicon. They were great in Hot Fuzz, and weren't they in Shaun of the Dead together? Super funny movies too. I wonder, is this British comedy? People keep telling me I need to see Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I have it, have tried to watch it, but shit just seems hella corny. Don't get me wrong, I like hella corny, I loved and still love any Leslie Neilson flicks, but man, corny + british accents just equals too much more for me to stomach.

Look at cast, it's not for kids.

I know people that won't go to movies because it's too expensive and protest that it's "not worth it." They say things like "Why would I want to go to the theater when my home theater is just as good!" Well I say to you, kind sirs and madames, you obviously don't understand the movie going experience then. I love watching the previews and the commercials. I love hearing the comments people make when they leave, or in one particular instance when two girls thought they were the only ones in the theater because they didn't see 'Lis and I in the corner, one spoke out loudly and said, "Let's take out shirts off." ??? Add on top of that the parents that have to have the awkward conversations with their children when when didn't do their due diligence and find out what the fuck the movie is about. I'll gladly pay the 6.75 on cheap night to be a part of it all. Case in point, the people behind us during Paul. Mom, dad, two kids. Children, 7 and 5 years of age? Yea, there's a lot of F-bombs dropped in that movie. Not to mention dick and fart jokes. Lol, come on guys. Just cuz it's got a CGI alien in it doesn't mean it's Pixar.

Put brain on vibrate.

Don't leave your brain at home, and don't completely zone out. This movie is not brilliant, it's not intelligent, and it's not even smart! But it is, and does have it's clever moments that if you get the joke will make you smile.

Halo Reach (XBOX 360)

Battle scarred armor.

Multiplayer massacre.

Less whining, more play.

I realize this review is a little late, but give me a break. I just started this blog fifteen minutes ago. I've been playing Halo since Derek got me into it with Halo 2. I did play Halo: Combat Evolved, but never finished it. Regardless, Halo is a fantastic series for people who enjoy killing aliens and saving earth, while using futuristic armor and weapons. The storyline is a little pedestrian, nothing that steps out from the "Last of the Greatest" mold of storytelling. It's merely a means to an end; the end being a kick-ass gaming experience in both the campaign and especially the multiplayer.

Battle scarred armor.

The spartan armor has never looked better or more real. Long gone are the cartoony look of halo 3. The only thing left for the next Halo game is visual armor damage. Player models aside, the levels, if you take the time to actually look at the alien-blood spattered areas you fight in, are amazing. Even the different sounds of footsteps on various surfaces have been taken into consideration. This game just drips with detail. Everything you do in Reach earns you credits that you can spend on armor. Armor configuration is purely aesthetic, and it is easy to fall into buying all the coolest looking shit, adding it all on your spartan at once, and effectively end up looking like a bad impression of Optimus Prime. But hey, personal taste aside, it's fun to play with the armor. I've actually found myself becoming superstitious of what I put on when I go into battle!

Multiplayer massacre.

I got my copy on launch night. When I got home at 1 am, I fired up my 360 and slapped the disc in the drive. What did I do first? Did I start the campaign? Nah, I knew I'd eventually get to that. I jumped directly in the multiplayer because I knew that that's where I'd be spending the bulk of my time in this installment of the Halo franchise. I distinctly remembering my awe at two things playing that night: "WOW. I'M FLYING. PEW PEW PEW!" and "WHY CAN'T I KILL THIS GUY??!! HE'S RUNNING INTO A WALL, HE'S LAGGING!!!! (and the realizing) OH FUCK, HE'S A HOLOGRAM!" I don't care what anyone says, armor powers rock and I'll tell you why...

Anyone who really knows me know I got it bad for Halo. When asked what the game is like I've always likened Halo to the old game Rock, Paper, Scissors -- But really, really fast and with guns. In Halo 3, a good player was able to 1) determine what weapons the opposing player has 2) know which weapon beats those weapons 3) kill the opposing player without taking too much damage. All of this within a matter of seconds. That doesn't take into consideration more advance tactics like spawn locations of weapons and players, spawn times and what weapons will constantly respawn, and which won't unless the "empty" is dropped. ANYWAY, Halo tactics are a completely different post, and while much of the strategy I used in Halo 3 is still used in Halo Reach, Bungie (developer of the Halo franchise) has thrown in a new set of factors: Armor powers. These armor powers are a specific load-out chosen when you start the match or respawn. To put it succinctly:"Armor lock beats stickies" in Halo Reach is to "Shotgun beats Sword" in Halo 3. These new sets of armor powers have changed the game play immensely and in some cases is welcome and in others makes the game unbalanced. Either way the reason armor powers rock is simply this: it has added a new layer of tactics to the gameplay of previous halo games.

There are a few other things that I love about Reach over Halo 3. I'm too lazy to actually write full paragraphs for all, so lets hit the bullet points of what I love and hate so far.

• Love. The magnum is no longer a piece of shit that I drop as soon as I can.
• Hate. Focus Rifle and Plasma Launcher are as effective as shooting opposing players with a dachshund.
• Love. Health packs instead of constantly regenerating health adds another level of memorization to the game.
• Hate. Shotgun doesn't seem to be the antithesis of the sword any more. I've just been killed too many times while shotgunning a sworder that I know in H3 would've been effed.
• Love. Daily challenges and weekly challenges. They give you the false sense of accomplishment when you're merely accomplishing getting fat and wasting time! YAY!
• Hate. I just wish that the health packs would actually prevent you from getting killed if shot while administering it. Maybe something like a mini overshield effect, I don't know.
• Love. Assassination Animations. I just love getting one then teabagging. It's just such a "eff you buddy!"
• Hate. Ranked matches, otherwise known as Arena, really have worth. YAY I get a NUMBER for playing. People need visual shit, like gold stars or cookies.
• Love. DLC map Anchor 9. Amazing looking, great concept.
• Hate. Elite Slayer. It's terrible. Why can't we just have a good old fashion Spartan vs Elite beat down???? (and not in Invasion)

The maps are stunning, varied in visual appearance, and will provide hours of fun for anyone willing to put the time in. And if you're creative, Forge got a 'roid boost. I made my own map and it had a lot of fun doing it! Some kids even make games that aren't about killing, sometimes it's about racing to the top of a giant column while blocks fall down on you like Tetris blocks. Mad cool.

Less whining, more play.

I'm convinced there are two types of people in the world. Those who accept change and those who don't. Coming out of movies that are remakes or are adapted from comic books or books, I cringe and have to hold my tongue when people say "Such and such didn't happen in the comic book!" (especially when they haven't read a comic book in 10 years, but that's beside the point I'm going to make) I personally do not go to movies or play games to experience something that I've already experienced. Movies and gaming are a complete waste of time. Yet I enjoy them and I'd rather experience something new than repeat the same gameplay or seeing the same story play out on screen over and over again ad nauseam.

People have complained that the DMR is a shit weapon and they want their BR back. Some say the armor powers are gay and they want on map power ups back. Some say that the reticle bloom is stupid. Well, if you hate it that much then play halo 3. If it makes you feel better, tape the words REACH you disc and pretend it's Halo 3.

Reach, for better or worse, is new. Bungie has tried to make a game that will satisfy the fanboys and entice those new to the franchise to give it a try. I welcome the changes, but I hope that 343 studios (now replacing Bungie in taking on the Halo franchise) will check the forum regularly and keep their finger on the pulse of what their fans see might be broken in online multiplayer.